You Are Pretty Enough To Find Love | xoJane

The other day, a girl emailed me:

?I?m worried that I?m not pretty enough to get a guy. I?m single, and want a serious relationship, but sometimes I think I can?t find one because I?m not prettier.?

I wanted to exclaim, ?That?s ridiculous!? But instead I thought, Well, of course you?re worried.

When I was single, I reasoned that being hotter was always better because it would give me more options. The hotter I was, the more guys would be interested in me, and the more choice I?d have in the matter. So even if I thought I looked fine, it would?ve been better to look, well, even better. (And then there is no limit?you can always be hotter, somehow.) And when I thought that I looked significantly, depressingly less than fine, I was scared, because I felt as though I might miss out on something essential.

This is not irrational. It makes sense, when we think of women?s worth as being closely matched, at least initially, with their beauty.

From the time we?re little girls, we?re taught that if we were prettier everything in our lives would be better. We would have the things that we want. Girls become preoccupied with their appearances in an effort to control and improve their lives, and are too often driven to despair when they don?t see themselves as fitting into restrictive and seemingly arbitrary beauty standards. And this is not some dramatic interpretation?it?s just life. Some of us escape unscathed, and some of us are blissfully oblivious enough, and some of us recover from middle school and go on to not care very much, and some of us continue to be chased by the howling, hungry beauty demons into our adulthood and even until we die.

My grandmothers are always worried about how they look. Always.

So it?s no wonder that someone might worry that not looking good enough might interfere with finding love. It sometimes feels like it interferes with everything, after all. And what is more tied to beauty than selecting a partner? Isn?t that what beauty is all about, ultimately?-being able to attract desirable partners? Isn?t that the biological reason why we even have this thing called beauty?

Sure. Sort of.

Looking good is an important part of dating. But the critical part is looking good to a particular person who you would like to look good to. It?s taken me perhaps a surprisingly long amount of time to adjust to this idea.

?If I was prettier, I?d have more of a chance with guys,? I thought, shamefully, secretly, when I was single. At the same time I was telling my friends, ?Whatever?guys are so lame these days.?

But even as I worried that I wasn?t naturally beautiful enough to find someone great, everywhere I looked, there were real-life examples to the contrary. Lots of fabulously happy, well-matched couples in which neither person struck me as conventionally attractive. Couples in which the woman was not obviously ?hot,? and the man obviously thought she was. Stunningly lovely single women who couldn?t seem to go on a second date. Nerdy couples, married in their mid-20?s, fabulous women who were happy being single and fabulous women who were heartbroken over being single. Opposites-attract couples and couples who looked almost eerily sibling-esque. Couples who?d fallen in love at first sight and couples who had waited forever. Looking at the people around me, it almost seemed like no rules applied to love. It almost seemed like anything could happen, regardless of what a person looked like.

The thing about beauty is that we are taught that it applies in the same ways to everyone, and that we can all see it the same and judge it the same and experience it the same and value it the same. That is the reason why so many girls and women fight so hard and spend so much money and energy trying their best to look the same ways. Very thin and lustrously-haired and large-eyed and plump-lipped and full-boobed and narrow-waisted. And while it?s probably totally true that these beauty standards exist for a reason, that they are rooted in biology and confirmed by eons of culture, it is ALSO true that often, they just don?t matter a whole lot when it comes to finding love.

Maybe when it comes to finding a sexy one-night stand, yes, yes, definitely, the more stereotypically, standardly hot you look, the easier it might be to select from a larger number of eager volunteers. But when it comes to finding longer lasting love, it?s a different story. And that story is much more about individual tastes and conversation and that mysterious spark that wafts between people and sometimes suddenly ignites.

That?s the awesome thing about people?despite everything we?re told about the way other people should look, and despite all the ways in which we are influenced by our culture, our own desires often prevail. I have always wanted a squishy, hairy man, for example. I have heard these characteristics dismissed thoughtlessly as ?gross,? and I don?t admire them because I am so subversive and such a social rebel. I just like the way they feel and look. The belly that my husband is convinced makes him unattractive is one of my favorite features. Meanwhile, I?ve spent a long, stupid, but maybe inevitable amount of time hating my big nose, but on our third date, right before we kissed for the first time, my husband said, ?I love your nose. It?s so striking.?

There are men, I?ve seen their comments on the internet, who complain that Gisele Bundchen needs another nose job, because her nose is hideous for being ?too big.? There are men who have passed me over in a second for my beautiful blond, buxom friend. And there are men who have fallen madly in love with me and told me that I am the most beautiful thing they have ever seen. One of those men happened to be fantastically gorgeous and amazingly awesome in my eyes, and I married him. So that worked out.

I think it works out most of the time. Not just because of my own life, but because of everything I?ve seen, when I?m looking around honestly, instead of through the lens of self-criticism.

Feeling unattractive can be all-consuming, but it?s usually misleading. Just because you feel like you don?t look good enough for this or that or true love or the other thing doesn?t mean that you actually don?t. Because ?good enough? is a complicated, indefinable measure that is too easily moved around to accommodate our own worst fears, rather than the reality.

Maybe ironically, though I?ve been concerned about my appearance when single, I?ve felt my ugliest in long-term relationships. Maybe because I had more time to think, and I realized that my concerns about my appearance had very little to do with other people, they were mostly about my relationship with myself.

I don?t know your whole story, girl-who-is-afraid-she-isn?t-pretty-enough-to-get-a-guy, and of course stories are complicated, but I promise you that love is not waiting for you to get prettier. That?s just you, waiting. The rest, I think, has a lot to do with coincidence and luck. But in the meantime, it?s time to start feeling good about who you are. And in my opinion, it?s really important to learn to feel better about the way you look, not so that you can get a man, but so that you can learn to stop blaming your looks for the way your life is going. And then you can be happier all around. That is the real victory.

Reprinted with permission from The Frisky. Want more?

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Source: http://www.xojane.com/relationships/you-are-pretty-enough-to-find-love

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Find room for God in fast-paced world, pope says on Christmas eve

VATICAN CITY (Reuters) - Pope Benedict, leading the world's Roman Catholics into Christmas, on Monday urged people to find room for God in their fast-paced lives filled with the latest technological gadgets.

The 85-year-old pope, marking the eighth Christmas season of his pontificate, celebrated a solemn Christmas Eve mass in St Peter's Basilica, during which he appealed for a solution to the Arab-Israeli conflict and an end to the civil war in Syria.

At the mass for some 10,000 people in the basilica and broadcast to millions of others on television, the pope wove his homily around the theme of God's place in today's modern world.

"Do we have time and space for him? Do we not actually turn away God himself? We begin to do so when we have no time for him," said the pope, wearing gold and white vestments.

"The faster we can move, the more efficient our time-saving appliances become, the less time we have. And God? The question of God never seems urgent. Our time is already completely full," he said.

The leader of the world's some 1.2 billion Roman Catholics said societies had reached the point where many people's thinking processes did not leave any room even for the existence of God.

"Even if he seems to knock at the door of our thinking, he has to be explained away. If thinking is to be taken seriously, it must be structured in such a way that the 'God hypothesis' becomes superfluous," he said.

"There is no room for him. Not even in our feelings and desires is there any room for him. We want ourselves. We want what we can seize hold of, we want happiness that is within our reach, we want our plans and purposes to succeed. We are so 'full' of ourselves that there is no room left for God."

PEACE CANDLE

Bells inside and outside the basilica chimed when the pope said "Glory to God in the Highest," the words the gospels say the angels sang at the moment of Jesus' birth.

Earlier on Monday the pope appeared at the window of his apartments in the apostolic palace and lit a peace candle, as a larger-than-life nativity scene was unveiled in St Peter's Square below.

Reflecting on the gospel account of Jesus born in a stable because there was no room for Mary and Joseph in the inn, he said when people find no room for God in their lives, they will soon find no room for others.

"Let us ask the Lord that we may become vigilant for his presence, that we may hear how softly yet insistently he knocks at the door of our being and willing.

"Let us ask that we may make room for him within ourselves, that we may recognise him also in those through whom he speaks to us: children, the suffering, the abandoned, those who are excluded and the poor of this world," he said.

He asked for prayers for the people who "live and suffer" in the Holy Land today.

The pope called for peace among Israelis and Palestinians and for the people of Syria, Lebanon and Iraq and prayed that "Christians in those lands where our faith was born may be able to continue living there, that Christians and Muslims may build up their countries side-by-side in God's peace."

The Vatican is concerned about the exodus from the Middle East of Christians, many of whom leave because they fear for their safety. Christians now comprise five percent of the population of the region, down from 20 percent a century ago.

According to some estimates, the current population of 12 million Christians in the Middle East could halve by 2020 if security and birth rates continue to decline.

At noon (1100 GMT/6 AM ET) the pope will deliver his twice-yearly "Urbi et Orbi" (to the city and the world) blessing and message from the central balcony of St Peter's Basilica.

(Reporting By Philip Pullella; Editing by Myra MacDonald)

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/room-god-fast-paced-world-pope-says-christmas-221249081.html

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Top 7 Holiday Allergy Triggers

When you wheeze through your fa-la-la's and your nose rivals Rudolph's, it's a little tougher to feel jolly. Although allergies peak in the spring and fall, the holidays may surprise sensitive sufferers with a gift of unexpected triggers, from dusty decorations and potent potpourri to even -- say it ain't so -- the Christmas tree.

Here are seven yuletide allergens, and expert tips to help you stay focused on shopping and wrapping, not sneezing and scratching.

How To Keep Your Allergies From Ruining Your Day

Holiday Allergy Triggers

That's right -- the one and only, the centerpiece of all things Christmas, that perfect fir you found hiding in the lot of freshly-cut trees that's now twinkling with the lights you spent hours untangling -- may be to blame for your stuffy nose, watery eyes and rash-y skin.

"Mold is the biggest problem with live Christmas trees," says Dr. Marilyn Li, an asthma and allergy specialist with the Los Angeles County + University of Southern California Medical Center. "Often, they are cut in advance and kept in humid environments, promoting spore growth."

Within just two weeks of bringing a tree into your home, indoor mold counts can increase significantly, according to one study.

Other tree-related allergens: The sap contains terpene and other substances that can irritate skin and mucous membranes; and pollen stuck to the tree may be released inside and lead to reactions, adds Dr. Nathanael S. Horne, clinical assistant professor of medicine at NYU school of Medicine and fellow of the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology. What about the artificial versions? They could harbor dust and mold from their time in storage, also triggering allergies.

Prevent it: Slip on gloves and wear long sleeves when handling your fresh tree to avoid the sap coming into contact with your skin. Before schlepping your tree inside, give it a good shake (or a blast with a leaf blower) and spray it down with a garden hose (especially the trunk) to help remove some of the pollen and mold, suggests Horne. Then sit the stump in a bucket of water and let the tree dry for few days on a covered porch or in a garage. For an allergen-free fake tree, give it a good wipe-down before decorating with lights and ornaments.

4 Holiday Health Busters

Holiday Allergy Triggers

For eleven months out of the year, all your ornaments, lights, and holiday chotchkes sit stored out of sight, collecting dust and maybe developing mold. When the boxes of red, green, and gold goodies come out, the symphony of sneezing, coughing and nose-blowing commences.

Prevent it: Before decking your halls, mantels, windows and trees, wipe down each item thoroughly; when it's time to repack, store your holiday trimming in airtight containers, and in a dry spot if possible. Also, go easy on the spray snow -- you may love the look of frosted windows, but any aerosolized chemical can cause irritant reactions in the eyes, nose or lungs of a sensitive person, says Horne.

Holiday Allergy Triggers

The fact that she makes "Why aren't you pregnant yet?" the topic of Christmas dinner is enough to make you break out in hives, but the nuts that she baked into her dessert crust could be to blame, too.

If you have food allergies, the holidays in particular are a ripe time for reactions, simply because you're around so. much. food. The most common food allergens are milk, eggs, soy, fish, shellfish, peanuts, tree nuts, and wheat.

"Of those, peanuts and tree nuts will most often make it into holiday dishes without people knowing, and have the potential to cause severe reactions," says Horne.

Prevent it: It's a good idea to let your holiday host know about your food allergies; it's important to ask about the ingredients in each dish; and it's very nice to volunteer to bring something that's safe for you, and shareable with others. But what's crucial is to be prepared with an epinephrine auto-injector (Epi Pen), an emergency dose of antihistamine, and an inhaler if you have asthma?just in case, adds Li, director of the USC Breathmobile, a pediatric clinic that travels to schools and provides ongoing asthma and allergy care to children. Learn which foods and recipes are unexpected sources of allergens at FoodAllergy.org and AAAAI.org.

How To Prevent Holiday Weight Gain

Holiday Allergy Triggers

You raise a glass to your loved ones, your boss and colleagues, friends and neighbors, and even the strangers sitting next to you at a bar. There's lots of cheers-ing this time of year, but be mindful of what you're using to toast. Some people may experience mild wheezing or other symptoms from the sulfites in wine, for example, and certain alcoholic concoctions contain major food allergens.

Prevent it: There aren't good tests for sulfite sensitivity, but your reaction to dried fruit -- high in this sulfur-based preservative -- could be an indicator, says Horne. Pay attention if you have asthma, as sulfites can trigger symptoms. Maraschino cherries contain small amounts of sulfites, as well. Stick with organic wine for a sulfite-free sip. Other triggers to be aware of: Tree nuts may be found specialty beers, particularly seasonal ales; milk is in Irish cr?me and white chocolate liqueurs; and egg whites may be used to add froth to specialty drinks.

Low Calorie Holiday Treats

Holiday Allergy Triggers

This festive plant is a member of the rubber tree family and contains compounds similar to those found in latex, so stay away if you have a latex allergy. Certain groups of people -- such as healthcare workers and people with spina bifida who have had numerous surgeries -- are more likely to be allergic to latex, says Li, and one study showed that 40 percent of latex-allergic individuals were also allergic to poinsettias.

Prevent it: If you have a latex allergy, keep the iconic plant out of your house?not only can it give you a rash if you touch it, but inhaling the allergen can lead to serious respiratory problems, like shortness of breath and wheezing.

5 Holiday Pet Dangers

Holiday Allergy Triggers

Pine-infused potpourri, dessert-scented candles, cinnamon air sprays -- while they will make your house smell like Christmas, they can irritate the nose and throats of allergy-sensitive people.

"Candles in particular are an increasingly recognized source of indoor air pollution," says Horne. "The same is true for air sprays and other types of air fresheners?they can release many different types of noxious compounds, which can generate adverse reactions in sensitive patients."

Prevent it: If skipping the scents feels Grinch-like, try making your own potpourri with cinnamon sticks and cloves so you know what's in the mixture, says Horne. And choose candles made of soy or beeswax, suggests Li. There's not much smell, but you can still enjoy the warm glow. By the way, fireplaces are an absolute no-no for asthmatic patients -- the ash and smoke can trigger an attack, so keep the log unlit.

Attack Allergies With Yoga

Holiday Allergy Triggers

Stress doesn't cause allergies or asthma by itself, but it can hinder your immune system and be a trigger for asthma attacks, says Horne. Chemicals released by the body during stressful times can cause the muscles around your airways to tighten, making it difficult to breathe.

Prevent it: All the deep breathing in the world probably can't calm the chaos that comes with the season, but what you can do is make sure you take the steps to stay healthy: Stick to your controller medication regimen and get a flu shot, advises Li.

***

More from Prevention:

7 Ways The Holidays Hurt Your Look

Your Stay-Slim Holiday Survival Plan

Are You Allergic To Wine?

How To Keep Allergies From Ruining Your Day

Source: http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Allergies/top-holiday-allergy-triggers/story?id=18029201

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Egypt's Brotherhood claims constitution passes

CAIRO (AP) ? Egypt's Muslim Brotherhood claimed Sunday that the Islamist-backed constitution has passed with a 64 percent "yes" vote, the day after the final voting in a two-round referendum that deeply divided the country.

The constitution's critics however may contest the outcome. A spokesman for the main opposition group which has been campaigning for a "no" vote said there were "a lot" of irregularities in the voting.

The Brotherhood's unofficial results come a day before the election commission is expected to announce the final official tally for voting organized over two weeks. The group has accurately tallied the outcome of past elections.

The passage of the constitution would be a victory for Islamist President Mohammed Morsi. The Freedom and Justice Party, the Brotherhood's political arm, said in a statement that it hoped the passage is a "historic opportunity" to heal Egypt's divisions and launch a dialogue to restore stability and build state institutions.

But the comparatively low turnout of 32 percent of eligible voters, as well as allegations by the opposition of voting violations, threatened to undermine the constitution's legitimacy and keep Egypt polarized.

Aside from a vocal opposition, Morsi is also facing a fragile economy, weathered by nearly two years of political turmoil and accompanying violence as well as nearly a month of political crisis that preceded the vote.

According to the Brotherhood tally based on results from individual polling stations as well as voting abroad, around 64 percent of the 16.6 million voters who cast ballots approved the constitution.

Saturday's voting in 17 of Egypt's 27 provinces was the second and final round of the referendum. Preliminary results released early by Morsi's Muslim Brotherhood showed that 71 percent of those who voted Saturday said "yes," after 99 percent of polling stations were accounted for. Only about eight million of the 25 million Egyptians eligible to vote ? a turnout of about 30 percent ? cast their ballots, a significantly lower number than those who voted in most previous presidential and parliamentary elections.

In the first round of voting, about 56 percent said "yes" to the charter. The turnout then was about 32 percent.

The local media has reported comparable results to the Brotherhood. The state-owned Al-Ahram newspaper said in its English language online version that 16.2 million cast their vote, and the constitution passed with a 63.96 percent.

The main opposition group, the National Salvation Front, said it would continue to challenge the referendum results, based on reports of violations and vote meddling it has registered.

"We are questioning the results," Khaled Dawoud, the front's spokesman, told The Associated Press. "We don't think the results reflect the true desires of the Egyptian people."

He said the opposition will be filing official complaints about observed irregularities such as supervisors who intentionally barred voters from casting their ballots, and a broader lack of blanket judicial supervision of the process. Many judges boycotted supervising the vote.

The new constitution will come into effect once official results are announced, expected Monday. When they are, Morsi is expected to call for the election of parliament's lower chamber, the more powerful of the legislature's two houses, no more than two months later.

The opposition said that even though it is challenging the results of the referendum, it will continue to prepare for the parliamentary elections.

Until the lower chamber is elected, the normally toothless upper Shura Council will have legislative powers.

Source: http://news.yahoo.com/egypts-brotherhood-claims-constitution-passes-102719820.html

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Meanwhile, Deep Inside Your Belly Button ?

Dec 23, 2012 7:00am

Getty Images

Reported by Dr. Amish Patel:

Researchers have found that more than 2,000 different species of bacteria live in our umbilicus ? the medical word for belly button.? That means you have more kinds of bacteria in your belly button than there are different kinds of ants or birds in North America, according to the study.

The majority of these bacteria were rare and occurred in just one individual.? No single type was common to all 60 belly buttons sampled.

?I don?t find it alarming,? said Dr. William Schaffner, an expert in infectious diseases at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville, Tenn.? ?We knew belly buttons weren?t sterile.?

However, Schaffner believes that this does not minimize the study?s findings.

?This is in the context of a much larger study, which is trying to ? get greater insight into the source of pathogens and how the [bacteria on our body] changes with antimicrobial therapy and age.?

Perhaps, he said, we can ?use this to develop new antimicrobials.?

The benefits may extend beyond antibiotics.

?Understanding the biodiversity of our bodies and how it differs among people may play an important role in understanding why some ? people are susceptible to the same pathogen or respond to the same drug or diet,? said Dr. Rob Knight, associate professor of molecular biophysics at the University of Colorado ? Boulder.

Although the findings of the study do not have any immediate implications, this is good timing for a public service announcement from Dr. Gregory Poland, infectious disease expert at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn.

?The current fad of women piercing their umbilicus has led to many case reports of infections,? Poland said. ?And with today?s multiple drug-resistant bacteria, it can lead to disasters.?

SHOWS: Good Morning America

Source: http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2012/12/23/meanwhile-deep-inside-your-belly-button/

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Video: Play tablet dress-up with these iPad cases

Samsung bumps out Nokia as top phone maker

The year belongs to Samsung when it comes to worldwide phone shipments: The Korean megacorp unseated 14-year champ Nokia as top phonemaker, and took a "decisive lead" over Apple in smartphones, according to a ear end report from IHS iSuppli. Samsung is expected to account for 29 percent of all phones shipped in 2012, up from 24 percent in 2011, while Nokia drops from 30 percent a year ago to 24 percent now.

Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42218772/vp/50201155#50201155

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Egypt votes in final round of controversial draft constitution ... - WTVR 6

By Ben Brumfield and Amir Ahmed,?CNN

(CNN) ? Across the river from Cairo, in its twin city of Giza, voters stood in line for blocks Saturday in the second round of balloting on the country?s controversial draft constitution.

At one women-only polling station, lines snaked for about a kilometer.

Victory appears likely for Egypt?s controversial document once the referendum is complete.

The first round of polling last week included more liberal provinces ? Cairo for example ? and produced an unofficial result of 56.6% in favor of the national charter, according to the ruling Freedom and Justice Party.

Giza residents are considered more conservative than their compatriots across the Nile, and they are not alone.

They are expected to return an even higher number of ballots in favor of the proposed national charter, which was formulated by Islamists supporting embattled President Mohamed Morsy.

More than 6,700 polling stations in 17 provinces opened their doors in the morning to nearly 26 million potential voters. Polls are expected to close them at 7 p.m. local time, according to Egyptian state-run media.

Many of the provinces voting in the second round include popular tourist destinations such as Luxor, the Red Sea and, of course, Giza.

Deep friction in Egypt?s society and institutions has accompanied the draft constitution since its inception and continues.

For a second week, clashes broke out Friday in the coastal Mediterranean city of Alexandria when Muslim Brotherhood protesters in support of a local imam and Morsy were met by opposition demonstrators.

Stones hurtled in the air, leaving 77 injured, according to official news agency Egynews. Riot police got between the marauding groups and fired tear gas, according to state-run Nile TV.

Last week?s confrontation was triggered by the imam?s call urging demonstrators to back the draft constitution.

The big turnout in Alexandria ? Egypt?s second most populous city and a stronghold of conservative Muslims ? appears to have made a big difference in tilting the preliminary results toward a ?yes? vote, Freedom and Justice Party members said.

Voting has been tainted by allegations of widespread abuses leveled by a coalition of 123 local rights groups that monitored last week?s voting. The nation?s electoral commission has said it will investigate the complaints of voter intimidation, bribery and other violations.

Turnout has burgeoned both weeks and led to the extension of polling by four hours in the first round. Security has been tight, and polling has proceeded peacefully.

Each station will count its votes after closing and hand in its official tally immediately to the Supreme Electoral Commission, according to state news agency MENA.

Once the sum of votes is taken, the commission will publicize the total results from both rounds in a news conference at a yet unannounced time.

Critics of the draft constitution feel it was passed too quickly. Liberals, Christians and other minority opposition groups feel like they were excluded from the Constituent Assembly and that the wording does not include their voices. They want a new assembly.

Opposition members are suspicious the charter uses vague language and will not guarantee the rights of the people that Egyptians fought for during a revolution that unseated President Hosni Mubarak in 2011.

Supporters of the draft constitution herald what they say is its protection of personal rights, especially its provisions on handling of detainees in the judicial system, which made capricious use of its powers under the former government.

International rights group Human Rights Watch has said the draft constitution ?protects some rights but undermines others.? It ?fails to end military trials of civilians or to protect freedom of expression and religion.?

The rocky road to the referendum began when judges threatened to shut down the assembly tasked with drafting the constitution. Morsy then issued an edict in late November declaring all of his past and present decisions immune from judicial review until the holding of the constitutional referendum.

He also sacked the head of the judiciary. The judicial system has many in its ranks who are loyal to Mubarak.

The Islamist president?s opposition saw the exceptional moves as a grab for dictatorial powers and poured into the streets, converting Tahrir Square in central Cairo back into the center of public discontent it had been during the uprising that brought down Mubarak.

The president dropped his decree, but the situation remained tense. Violence raged, producing incidents that have raised the ire of international human rights groups, though these have not been systematic, as was the case under the former government.

The outcome of the election is important to the stability of volatile North Africa and the Middle East ? where Egypt is a key player.

Source: http://wtvr.com/2012/12/22/egypt-votes-in-final-round-of-controversial-draft-constitution/

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